December 11, 2024
Divorce is never easy, and that’s especially true when there are kids involved. The holidays present special challenges, as both parents want to be the ones to spend time with the kids, visit family, and make special memories. Resolving this requires cooperation from both sides, and that can be hard. The best way to approach the issue is to remember that it’s about the kids more than about you and that if you both give a little, you can make sure that the kids remember the holidays as being joyful rather than filled with stress. Some helpful strategies to make this happen include: Everybody knows when the holidays are, so there’s no reason to wait until the last minute to make plans. Create a shared custody calendar for the holidays that specifies who has the kids when, what the transitions are, and how they will be handled. It may feel silly to go into specific details months beforehand, but you will be glad you did when the time comes. Also, early planning allows everybody to know ahead of time, plan, and anticipate rather than being disappointed or surprised at the last minute. Make sure all of your plans are based on what makes the kids happiest. It’s easy to prioritize yourself, but it’s your kids who need the most stability at the holidays. Traditions are important, especially for children who are already struggling with divorce. Work together to make sure that the holidays are in keeping with what makes your kids happiest, even if it means compromise. Alternating holidays or splitting them is often the easiest answer to a difficult problem. Maybe on even years, you have Thanksgiving, and your ex has Christmas, and on odd years, you switch – or maybe one of you has Christmas eve, and then you switch midway through Christmas day, then switch off next year. Work to make things fair. No rule says you can’t celebrate holidays twice. If your kids have to be with your ex on Christmas, then when they return to your house, you can have your own Christmas 2.0. Kids will not object to having an extra day of presents and celebration! The most important thing about your schedule, whether surrounding the holidays or any other time, is that you keep the lines of communication open and remain flexible. It may feel good to say no in a moment of pique, but at some point, you will be looking for a shift in the schedule yourself. Put the kids first!